Homemade Biscuits, Made with Love

  Tonight my boys got something special for supper; fried chicken, mashed potatoes,  biscuits and  gravy!! All homemade, from scratch. And let me tell you, it was MMM GOOD!! I haven't been cooking too much since school started back and the husband was starting to whine. 

  If you know me at all, you know that homemade biscuits are NOT my thing. But, my oldest son asked for them and since I'm on a mission to feed my two sons the best food ever, anytime they want it, in order to ensure they come see me on a weekly basis once they've chosen another woman who is not their mama, I gladly obliged. However, after getting everything going in the kitchen, I reached for all-purpose flour, which the recipe called for and realized I was out of white and had only whole-wheat on hand. I was going to go ahead with that until I realized the date said, "best before Sept. 2011." I then reached for the baking powder and realized the date on it read, "best before 2005!!!" Knowing that I could not fail my firstborn and risk losing him forever to another female's inferior cooking, I did what any niece would do who lives within 1 minute of 3 of her aunts, I facebooked one and asked to borrow the ingredients. My wonderful Aunt Paula was home and had what I needed so I hopped in the car and sped over. 

  

  On the short drive over, I started thinking, as I often do, about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family who will give just about anything I ask. I have my Uncle Roger's drill in my garage he loaned me 3 weeks ago. I ate okra and tomatoes from my Uncle Donnie's garden this summer. I ate my Aunt Paula's flour and baking powder in what turned out to be the best biscuits I ever made tonight. I can't even begin to describe all of the wonderful things my family does for me. (I'm not even mentioning my parents here because this blog wouldn't contain all the things they do for me.) 

  The thing that is so amazing about their giving is not that they give, rather it is the feeling of security in my asking. When I saw the dates on those needed items tonight, I never doubted or feared about calling my aunt and asking for them. I had complete assurance that she would not fuss or hesitate in giving me whatever I asked. That is the way with all of my family. I even joked with her about how good it is to be so loved. And she agreed! I am loved. It is that love that gives me the license to ask for what I need and to not feel shy or worried that I will be denied. 

  I started thinking about how the Lord loves me even more than my family does and how He also wants to give me what I ask. Luke 11:13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? And about how He is always willing to give me whatever I ask if I ask is His name. ^{John 14:13-14} And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

  

  We can have security in asking things of God for the same reason we can have security asking things of our family, because He loves us and wants to do things for us. We do not have to hesitate to ask Him or worry about how He might react. How wonderful is that feeling? I know that when I am "out of" a necessary ingredient, I can go to God and ask for it. And, I can go with confidence because I know how much He loves me.

  Then I started thinking about how I have such confidence because I've always been shown love and that confidence has been fostered throughout my whole life.  But what about those out there who do not feel that kind of love from others and therefore have no confidence in asking. I thought about those who do not really understand the love of God because they have never felt it from anyone. It is our job to go into the world and give that love. Matthew 5:16 says, ^"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." It's the exact same concept that's mentioned in John 14. God gives what I ask so that He may be glorified. We should give love so that God may be glorified. 

 We should show people so much love that they can feel a sense of security just like I feel when I call my family and ask them for biscuit dough! So that, whenever that otherwise unloved person realizes what an amazingly loving God we serve, they will have the confidence to call Him up and speed over to get what they need to complete their recipe.  I pray that I can be a person that shows so much love to others that it gives them the confidence required to ask whatever they need from God. 

In Honor of my Mawmaw's Legacy

Women are influential in the lives of those who love them. Women have an enormous impact on those they love. Today is my Mawmaw's Birthday. She has been gone since I was 12 but she has had an enormous influence on my life. Honestly, I don't remember many specific details about her. These are some of the things I do remember.
I remember how her house smelled. I can't describe the smell but I remember it. It was a clean smell. And very rarely, I smell the scent that was her house. There was never yelling at my Mawmaw's house, at least not the mad crazy kind. I never feared a fight while at her house. People didn't argue.
Therefore, I associate the smell of her house with peace. I remember that she was peaceful.
I remember that when I was small, I would sometimes get mad at my Mama. (cause she's CRAZY like me!) And when I got mad at her, I would pack all of my panties in a green, cosmetic suitcase thingy and tell her that I wanted to go live with Mawmaw. So, my mama would call her on the phone and Mawmaw would always say that I could come, but then she would talk to me for a while and convince me of my mother's love and of how much I needed her. I would eventually realize, due to her wisdom, that the best place for me was at home. However, the key is that if ever I was tempted to leave my mother's love, it was always my to Mawmaw's house that I wanted to run.
Therefore, I remember that she was wise and had a love that was second only to my mama's.
I remember that her house was THE place to be. My aunt's married military men and were often away when I was a child. But when they came home, Mawmaw's was where they ran as well. She was the orb around which our lives rotated. I went there to play with my cousins and visit. I remember the porch swing at her old house. I remember the big tree that was at the edge of the yard. I remember playing "Red Rover" and "Mother-May-I" in her yard hundreds of times. I remember  playing "Hide-and-Seek" and how scary it was to hide behind that big tree when it was dark. So many of my childhood memories are of her house because she was the woman we all wanted to be near.
 Therefore, I remember learning what family is all about.
I remember one time I was gone with a friend and they dropped me off at home after an outing. The problem with this scenario is that when I was dropped off, no one else was home, so I was ALONE. I must've been around 11 yrs. old. I remember sitting in my house being so terrified that I couldn't stand it. (when you have 5 brothers and sisters, being alone is not something you are comfortable with because it occured so rarely that you never got accustomed to the phenomenon) Anyway, I remember calling my Mawmaw and telling her how scared I was. I called her at home. This was way before cell phones so the option of calling my parents was null. She made my Pawpaw get in the car and drive her over to my house so that they could stay with me til my mama got home. When they got there, I had every light in the house on, the front door wide open and was holding a BB gun! She came because I was scared. They stayed with me til my parents got back so that I would not be alone or scared. Therefore, I remember that my Mawmaw was protection and comfort.
Even though I do not have many specific memories of my Mawmaw, the one's that I do have help me remember what a wonderful woman she was. And the memories help me know what an impact women have on the lives of those they love.
There are also some things that I know about my Mawmaw because of the legacy she has left behind. She raised 4 daughters who are the absolute backbone of the woman I am due to the influence they have had on me. My mom and my aunts have taught me how to make room in my heart for love and acceptance of all people under any circumstance. I don't remember a family gathering when there has not been someone present who was not necessarily related that did not become family before they left. That's because my Mawmaw opened her heart to everyone and she taught her kids to do the same.
She also raised sons who are not afraid to show love. I've never left my Uncles' homes without a hug and an "I love you." The men she raised are not afraid to love openly and that gave me enormous confidence in life. All of her children have taught me that love is service. My family is always willing to help and serve because their mama taught them that's how to love!
The things I remember and the things I know about my Mawmaw are not things I reminisce about only on her birthday. They are the things that have made me the person I am. That is how I know what an influence women have on lives.
This has not been eloquent, nor has it encompassed all the wonderful things I could relate about my family or it's Matriarch, but I hope it will help you realize that you are an influence, as am I. I want to be an influence for good, like my Mawmaw was.

What's In a Name?

  I know the names of a lot of people. I get a roster of the names of  approximately 150 people at the beginning of each school year and I'm expected to learn their names very quickly. I like to learn the names of my students as quickly as possible. Students also like for me to remember their names. This year, I have two Kaitlins, a K-R-Isten and a K-I-Rsten. We've been in school 130 days and I still get K-I-Rsten's name wrong! She doesn't appreciate it. Why? Because names are special. Calling someone by his/her name affords that person validation. Maybe Kirsten believes I do not even really know who she is given that I mess-up her name so frequently.

  I like for people to know my name. I like to be called by my name. Many married couples turn to calling one another "honey" or "baby" and I see the affection in those terms but I like for my husband to call me by my name sometimes. For me, that's more intimate because he's addressing me by a term that identifies me as ME, Amanda,  instead of a term that could be applied to just anyone.

  I've recently started a Bible study on the many names ascribed to God in the Bible. It's a special study to me, not only because it's helping me become better acquainted with God, but because a group of ladies, whom I consider my spiritual heroes, completed the same study when I was a kid and I've often heard those ladies reference various names of God. That always stuck with me and now I'm going through the study. (those ladies are Nancy Manley, Vicki Thompson, and Jean Everett. Just to NAME a few!)

  I'm only on the second name, El Elyon. El Elyon identifes God as The Sovereign Ruler of the Universe. The first few lessons on this name showed how El Elyon has complete control over every aspect of the world and how there's absolutely nothing that is not controlled by His power. I think it's easy for us to understand that when we witness powerful storms or the beauty of nature but often difficult for us during times of stress or heartache.

  Last night, as I was studying, I was amazed at one aspect of God's power that I've never truly understood. We all know that Job was tempted to curse God when Satan was given permission to destroy his family, possessions and finally his body. It's amazing to me that Job was such a man of integrity that he never gave satan what he wanted. He never forsook God or ceased trusting Him. Thus, giving validation to the power of God over satan. Satan couldn't even touch Job without God's permission! But Job was a righteous man from the start and God had faith that Job would remain faithful.

  We then looked in Luke at Peter. Satan also asked God for permission to destroy Peter; to "sift him as wheat" (Lk 22:31). The fascinating thing about this temptation was that God knew that Peter, unlike Job, would give Satan what he wanted. Even though Peter assured Jesus that he was "ready to go with Him, both into prison and death," God knew that Peter was unable to stand up to Satan's sifting and would deny him (Lk 22:33-34). It seems as though God is allowing Satan a victory.

  So many times, I've heard the names of people whom Satan has sifted and I've heard people allow Satan  the glory. I've been sifted by Satan, but God's plan, even when we deny Him, is to always have the glory. El Elyon is still the Sovereign ruler of the universe, even when Satan seems to have the power over someone's life. The proof is right there in Luke, along with the rest of the story. Just after Jesus tells Peter that Satan wants him, Jesus also says, "But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not; AND WHEN THOU ART CONVERTED (turned back again), strengthen thy brethren" (Luke 22:32). Jesus, El Elyon, knew when He allowed Satan to sift Peter that Peter would fall. But hallelujah, He also knew that Peter would get back up!! And that when he did, El Elyon would still be in control and still have a plan for Peter. Jesus told Peter that the purpose for allowing Satan to "get him" was so that he could "STRENGTHEN THE BRETHREN" after he got back up! Friends, I am not saying that I'm anywhere near as significant as Peter. But I do know that I've allowed Satan some victories in my life. But I'm getting back up and El Elyon is still the ruler of the universe and HE IS GETTING THE GLORY! God is in control, even when we are out of control!

"If when I give my life to God, it is broken, it is because pieces will feed a mulititude, while a loaf will feed only a little lamb." Pray for me that I might strengthen someone else who has fallen.

 
  I

From Pathetic Loser to Successful Student

  I love to learn. I know, those of you who know me think that's unbelievable because I sound "dumb as a box of rocks." But, it's true. My dream career would absolutely be professional student. That's one of the many reasons I love my job. It forces me to learn. The best motivation for learning about a topic is having to teach it. My love for learning and teaching is also the source of one of my greatest frustrations. I want everyone to learn and I want everyone to love to learn. But, alas, I am a High School teacher and love for learning is sadly, not the norm.

  That's why in my classroom, I've developed what I like to call my "Personal Accountability Sessions." I utilize this method with those of my students whom I know are smart and completely capable, yet they choose to NOT learn and to NOT apply themselves. The method is a bit unorthodox but I use it anyway. It goes as follows: Student is smart. Student is assigned reading/assignment. Student fails to do assignment due to sheer laziness and lack of interest. Student makes failing grade. Mrs. Lanier gets frustrated and calls student to desk. Mrs. Lanier conferences with student and ensures reason for failure is indeed laziness and lack of interest. Mrs. Lanier coaches students on reasons to be more diligent. Then, Mrs. Lanier has student raise right hand and repeat: "I am a Pathetic Loser. I chose to not complete my assignment. In order to change my status from Pathetic Loser to Successful Student, I promise to apply myself, thus benefitting my grade and Mrs. Lanier's sanity." I've actually secured several successes employing this method and will continue to use it in the future.

  Tonight at church, the Pastor brought a message from II Timothy 4. He discussed the lives of Luke, John Mark and Demas and contrasted their spiritual journeys. Luke lived a faithful life from the moment of salvation and pleased the Lord with all his life. John Mark backslid on God, but returned to Him and finished strong. Demas forsook God and the ministry and presumably never made his way back. The application was that Christians should study the lives of these three men and learn how to maintain a steady relationship with Christ. The first requirement for maintaining a steady relationship was to develop a delight for the Word of God. The Pastor talked about how learning God's word could save us from learning life's lessons the hard way. Since I am a teacher and love all things analogy, I wrote down the following: "Life's trials are pop quizzes from God. When test time comes, will I have studied the Book well enough to pass the test?"

  I thought it was pretty clever at the time but moved on and listened to the rest of the sermon. On the way home, however, God called me to his desk. He said to me, "Raise your right hand and repeat the following: I am a Pathetic Loser.  I choose to not complete my assignments. In order to change my status from Pathetic Loser to Successful Student, I promise to apply myself, thus benefitting my life and my relationship with You. Now, stop being a DemAS and move on!" (I know, but I couldn't resist. who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!!)

  What I realized about myself is that while I do love to learn and I get extremely frustrated with my students who are completely capable, I do not always apply myself to the fullest of my capabilities. And just as I get perturbed with my students because I know that because of their lack of dedication, they are going to fail tests, God also gets put out with me. And, if I really want to pass the test, I need to better LEARN the material. I need to more fully develop a delight for the Word of God. I hope whoever is reading this will hold me accountable as God does. And, that you will also realize, we could save ourselves a lot of failures if we would read and study the Book.

Know it All

Know -it- all = snarky sentiment applied to a person by another person usually in derogatory tone of voice. Often meant to hurt the feelings of the accused.

  One of my biggest peeves in life is people who refuse to learn from other people's mistakes. I operate under the assumption that in reality, life is like a script to a movie. It's basically the same script just played out by different actors. Now, I realize that varying actors might bring a different emotional spin to the action and we may feel more deeply for some than we do others or we may connect better to some actors than others. But no matter how the actor plays the scene, when she gets out of the car in the dark alley, something is gonna jump out and get her. And we are gonna scream! Because we "knew-it-all" the time.

  Teaching high school is kind of like watching a horror movie over and over. I watch different actors act out the same script. I see them get out of the car in the dark alley and I know what is going to happen to them. The same goes for my personal life. I have lived long enough now that I am watching my younger relatives act out the same script I did. They are getting married and having babies and making big decisions. And sometimes, I watch them and it brings tears of joy to my eyes. Other times, I'm watching them jump out of that car in the dark alley and I want to scream because I know what's waiting for them out there in the darkness.

  I guess it's because I am a know it all (I mean according to my assumption) and what I know I learned the hard way. I know it because I already acted out that script. I learned by getting out into that darkness myself. And that evil that is lurking in that alleyway is so much worse than anything Hollywood could portray on a movie screen. And I want to scream because all of them think it's going to be different for them. That somehow their script ends with them beating the bad guy. And while I'm not a total pessimist who thinks this can't be done, I am a realist who knows that the beating you are going to take while trying will change the rest of your life.

 So, this know-it-all has a heavy heart tonight because I am seeing more and more actors that are so special to me jump out into the darkness. And, as I mentioned, I've been there. And I know the evil. And I want more than anything for a new script to be written. I want people to realize how difficult it is to fight the bad guy.

   You see, the devil is the one who called me a know-it-all. We all know that when watching that scene in the movie where the car dies and the girl inevitably gets out, we are thinking, "Why? Why is she doing that?" We know what's going to happen. But what that girl is thinking is that she can get away. It will be different for her. But she doesn't realize what's out there. We think we know, but we don't. And once we find out, the devil says to us, "ha ha. you just thought you knew. You thought you wanted what was out here! and I've got you now you little know-it-all!"

  I ask for all who read this to pray diligently for me that I would pray more diligently for my boys. I don't want to watch them jump out of the car in the dark alley. I know the urge to do so is so strong. But I want more than anything for them to act out a different script than I have. Because I don't want them to be a know-it-all.

First Steps

  I forget everything. I mean EVERYTHING. My boys are 12 yrs. and 8 yrs. old. I remember that I've always loved them. Always thought they were beautiful. That they've always made me smile. But due to the hustle and bustle of life, I don't really remember many of details of events in their lives. (thank goodness for cameras) There is however one thing that most mothers always remember and that is their baby's first steps. While typing this, I am realizing that I don't actually remember my oldest son's first steps, but I do remember Carson's. We were in his room and I looked up and he was moving towards me - SIDEWAYS! He was not facing me but coming toward me at a slant. Sebastian, who was only 3 at the time, was in the room with me and even he realized there was something humorous about the way Carson was walking and we laughed. Him taking his first steps sideways was just the beginning of him doing things his own way! Carson still approaches things from his own angle and always makes me laugh but he did learn to walk straight!
  A few weeks ago, my husband fell and almost broke his leg. He did a lot of damage and tore some muscles and ligaments. He could hardly walk at first and was in a cast for a bit and then they put him in a boot that he was supposed to wear for a month! He was out of work for a week which was a trial because if you know my husband, he never misses work and he hates being still! The doctor told him to go ahead and put as much weight on the leg as was bearable but that he would need physical therapy to train the leg and get it back in shape so that he could prevent further injury or re-injuring of the leg.
  I worried about him when he started walking on it because I knew it caused him pain. Of course, he couldn't walk straight. He hobbled along in his boot, trying to balance the pain. It's not as humorous watching a grown-up walk sideways because of brokenness as it is watching a baby take their first steps and falling all over the place. But I knew it was necessary for him to keep walking in order to help his leg get back in proper working order. He told me last week that he didn't think he really needed to go to physical therapy! I am trying hard to convince him that it is necessary. He needs to learn the exercises and proper steps to getting his leg back in shape.
  I know a few things about falling and breaking, hence the name of my blog. (backslider's bible study) I have fallen and broken some things. At first, I didn't want to walk again. I was bitter and angry at God for the pain I felt. But, I finally realized that I can't walk sideways for the rest of my life. I have to learn how to function properly. I needed physical therapy. I have been told all my life "when you don't know what to do, do what you KNOW to do!" So I started going back to church. I started learning to walk again. This morning the preacher talked about having a successful walk with the Lord. He talked about realizing God is in control and desiring God and trusting God. And I know that I need exercise in those areas in order to function at my full potential.
  It's a lot like Ray and his broken leg. He doesn't have full control over his walking ability anymore. He doesn't desire to walk long distances because it causes pain and he doesn't trust his leg to do what it is supposed to do. But in order to walk again the way he should and without pain, he has to exercise and gain control and trust to prevent falling again and re-injuring himself. And so do I. It's hard to go long distances when you're broken. It causes pain. And you don't want to trust because you are always afraid of falling again and re-injuring yourself  but in order to gain proper function, you've got to go the distance. You've got to go to physical therapy and gain strength and learn to trust again. You have to step out on faith and believe that you will remain standing. Believe that if you stumble, you'll right yourself and keep going. You've also got to realize that after a severe injury, you will never be the same but you can learn to walk straight again.
Note: if you see a grown-up who is having trouble walking, be mindful of what they might have broken. It is easy to criticize those who are not trekking along at full speed but until you know what kind of pain they are dealing with, just smile and be thankful for their sideways baby steps.

The analogy continues...

  I would like to clarify something about my last post regarding the need for spiritual treatment. I do not wish anyone to believe healing can be restored while disobeying Doctors orders. On the contrary, when receiving treatment for spiritual wounds, I understand the patient must be willing to accept the treatment. Patients who have formerly been in good health and have fallen ill, understand better than anyone the need for thorough treatment.

   The best doctors, after assessing the wounds or sickness of a patient, develop a treatment plan. That plan is not based solely on the wounded patient  they see in front of them. Good doctors study the entire medical history of their patients and proceed accordingly. "O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways." Ps. 139:1-3 Therefore, I have perfect trust in the Great Physician that He is indeed capable of forming a treatment plan that is right for me.  "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jer. 29:11 I also believe it is the Doctor's desire to see sick patients restored to perfect health. "I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely; for mine anger is turned away from him." Hosea 14:4 Because I know all this, and I have faith in my Doctor, I am willing to accept that the treatment plan will include both healing balms and cleansing antiseptics.

"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.  For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me." Psalm 51:1-3 "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7

You see, I understand that no matter how difficult the treatment is, the patient must be willing to accept it. The patient must be willing to endure the injections, IV's, and wound scrubbings. My purpose was not to dispute the Doctor's orders, but rather to draw attention to the nurses that are charged with assisting. I draw your attention back to the original verse on which I based my comments: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye that are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." Gal. 6:1 While the Great Physician does indeed have all that is required for healing, He charges nurses with the duties of assisting patients on their journey to restoration. My purpose, from a patient's perspective,  is that there are plenty of nurses out there with sufficient knowledge of treatment plans handed down from the doctor. My concern is that those nurses lack the "spirit of meekness" with which they are supposed to administer treatment.  Meekness there means humility and mildness. Because, "thou also be tempted." I think too often, we look at a patient and say, "That could never happen to me!" But, Sin is a disease that we are all afflicted with.

Have you ever watched a patient endure Chemo therapy. The medicine is good for the patient and can eventually bring healing. However, when the chemicals mix with the poison in the body, horrible pain and sickness result. Loss of hair, vomiting, writhing in agony are also often symptoms. My point was there are plenty of nurses just waiting for the opportunity to stick patients with needles and apply antiseptic to wounds - to carry out the treatment plan. However, there aren't many who possess the meekness the Great Physician requires, to hold their hand, and put themselves in the position of a patient who well remembers health, while they suffer their way through treatment. I don't wish for any nurse to stray from the treatment plan. I only wish they would also consider how painful treatment is for the patient and recognize sticking patients isn't their only duty. Staying by them with MEEKNESS is also required in order for their job to be complete.