First Steps

  I forget everything. I mean EVERYTHING. My boys are 12 yrs. and 8 yrs. old. I remember that I've always loved them. Always thought they were beautiful. That they've always made me smile. But due to the hustle and bustle of life, I don't really remember many of details of events in their lives. (thank goodness for cameras) There is however one thing that most mothers always remember and that is their baby's first steps. While typing this, I am realizing that I don't actually remember my oldest son's first steps, but I do remember Carson's. We were in his room and I looked up and he was moving towards me - SIDEWAYS! He was not facing me but coming toward me at a slant. Sebastian, who was only 3 at the time, was in the room with me and even he realized there was something humorous about the way Carson was walking and we laughed. Him taking his first steps sideways was just the beginning of him doing things his own way! Carson still approaches things from his own angle and always makes me laugh but he did learn to walk straight!
  A few weeks ago, my husband fell and almost broke his leg. He did a lot of damage and tore some muscles and ligaments. He could hardly walk at first and was in a cast for a bit and then they put him in a boot that he was supposed to wear for a month! He was out of work for a week which was a trial because if you know my husband, he never misses work and he hates being still! The doctor told him to go ahead and put as much weight on the leg as was bearable but that he would need physical therapy to train the leg and get it back in shape so that he could prevent further injury or re-injuring of the leg.
  I worried about him when he started walking on it because I knew it caused him pain. Of course, he couldn't walk straight. He hobbled along in his boot, trying to balance the pain. It's not as humorous watching a grown-up walk sideways because of brokenness as it is watching a baby take their first steps and falling all over the place. But I knew it was necessary for him to keep walking in order to help his leg get back in proper working order. He told me last week that he didn't think he really needed to go to physical therapy! I am trying hard to convince him that it is necessary. He needs to learn the exercises and proper steps to getting his leg back in shape.
  I know a few things about falling and breaking, hence the name of my blog. (backslider's bible study) I have fallen and broken some things. At first, I didn't want to walk again. I was bitter and angry at God for the pain I felt. But, I finally realized that I can't walk sideways for the rest of my life. I have to learn how to function properly. I needed physical therapy. I have been told all my life "when you don't know what to do, do what you KNOW to do!" So I started going back to church. I started learning to walk again. This morning the preacher talked about having a successful walk with the Lord. He talked about realizing God is in control and desiring God and trusting God. And I know that I need exercise in those areas in order to function at my full potential.
  It's a lot like Ray and his broken leg. He doesn't have full control over his walking ability anymore. He doesn't desire to walk long distances because it causes pain and he doesn't trust his leg to do what it is supposed to do. But in order to walk again the way he should and without pain, he has to exercise and gain control and trust to prevent falling again and re-injuring himself. And so do I. It's hard to go long distances when you're broken. It causes pain. And you don't want to trust because you are always afraid of falling again and re-injuring yourself  but in order to gain proper function, you've got to go the distance. You've got to go to physical therapy and gain strength and learn to trust again. You have to step out on faith and believe that you will remain standing. Believe that if you stumble, you'll right yourself and keep going. You've also got to realize that after a severe injury, you will never be the same but you can learn to walk straight again.
Note: if you see a grown-up who is having trouble walking, be mindful of what they might have broken. It is easy to criticize those who are not trekking along at full speed but until you know what kind of pain they are dealing with, just smile and be thankful for their sideways baby steps.